Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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