i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
