I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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