I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
