peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
