Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
