All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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