i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
