This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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