Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
