we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
only if we run a train.
done.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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