i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
