im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
