So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
