i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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