my vag is so smooth its legendary
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
