i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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