Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
