WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
