All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
