dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
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My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
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He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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