SEEEEXXX PLEASE
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
