Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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