Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
