Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
