Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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