I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
