Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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