There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
