i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
