I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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