I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
