I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
she woke up with a sticky ear
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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