hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
