dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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