I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
