In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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