i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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