turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
