Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
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bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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