dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
