i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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