okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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