shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
