Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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