I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
