Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
