What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
