I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
