apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
