Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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