She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
