She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
