come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
