I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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