its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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