I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize