I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
