But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
