remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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