Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
