there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
