What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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