So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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