My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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