I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
