I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
