I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's blow job season.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
