No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
