i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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