Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
