Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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