still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
