No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
