Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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