I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
