Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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